The Goodbye I Didn't Know I Was Getting.

August is a hard month for me. Some months come and go without much thought, but August carries memories of a life that no longer exists, people who were once here and aren’t anymore, and moments that changed the direction of my life forever. Tracy, my daughter's aunt, who was like a little sister to me was born August 11th and she is no longer with us, she was taken when she was 37 in 2013. August 13,1994 was the day I married my first husband Jason, my carbon copy but in guy form. That marriage eventually ended, but every August 13 still carries a memory of a younger version of me and a life I thought was going to look very different, a life I thought would last forever and I see him every time I look at my son Skylar. My cousin Danielle passed away August 16, 2014 in a horrible motorcycle accident at the age of 33. Then two years ago, on August 17, 2024, my ex-husband passed away at 51. Last year, on August 5, 2025, my youngest son’s father passed away at 56.

And now August has given me another loss I wasn’t prepared for.

On August 15, 2026, I ended a TikTok LIVE with friends and started scrolling. I wasn’t looking for anything, just mindlessly passing time when a video stopped me dead in my tracks. I didn’t even know the person who posted it. I had never seen their page before. It just showed up on my for you page.

A photograph of a man’s face, and the moment I saw his eyes, they caught me. Eyes I recognized instantly. The song playing was One More Light by Linkin Park. My heart dropped. I quickly read the caption: R.I.P. Tom Crews.

My immediate reaction was NOOOOO. I rushed over to Facebook, hoping it wasn’t true. Hoping somehow it was wrong. Then I saw the post from his sister. It was true. Tom had passed away on August 11, 2026, yes on Tracy's birthday, but he was not discovered until August 14th.

That dreadful weekend I wasn't looking forward to. And suddenly everything inside me changed all at once. I felt numb, disconnected, angry, hurt, lost and I kept asking the same question...WHY TOM? He just turned 54. He was my friend. But saying Tom was simply my friend doesn't even begin to explain what he meant to me.

To understand why seeing those eyes on TikTok crushed me, you have to go back to the late 80s and early 90s. I was in an abusive relationship and had my baby Justin, I left Justin's dad, and I moved into my mom’s apartment at The Landings in Westland to get away from the abuse. Back then weekends meant cruising Main Street in Plymouth....muscle cars, people everywhere, walking around, talking to people and just living life.

One night I came home and my mom was in the parking lot kicking her car because it wouldn’t start. She was frustrated, kicking it again, when we noticed a pickup truck parked a few spots over that just pulled in. This cute long-haired guy got out, walked over and asked if we needed help. Long story short, he got the car running. My mom was so thankful because she needed to get to the store, she offered him money, that he refused to take. (True Tom form never expecting anything for helping someone out) We started talking. He introduced himself to me, he said hi I'm Tom Crews with his hand out and I said hi, I am Mickey and shook his hand. He asked if I had been walking around on Main Street that night, because he thought he had seen me there. I said yes I was. We talked for about an hour or more and exchanged numbers. That was the beginning of a relationship that would change my life.

A few months later, Tom became my boyfriend. He was one of the kindest people I had ever met, I am talking a straight up gentlemen with a mouth of course (like a trucker) lol he didn't mince words. He accepted that I had a child, and Justin absolutely adored him. They were pals lol. Justin was only about 1 and a half years old at the time. But when Tom walked in the door that kid was so excited and had to show Tom all his toys.

We were together for about a year or so. Eventually I ended it, and if I’m being honest, I wish I had handled it differently. I was young and stupid. I hurt someone I actually cared deeply about. But Tom and I worked through it because staying friends was important to both of us and we did just that. Tom wasn’t afraid to call me out when I was doing stupid shit, especially when I was finding assholes. He had a name for those men and he wasn’t usually wrong. He also was not afraid to let them know how he felt.

As the years went by and we all started hanging out at Harpos Concert Theatre, I would always see Tom there. He made sure nobody fucked with me. He became my shoulder to cry on, my protector, my one true friend. I eventually met someone at Harpos who would turn out to be the worst decision I had ever made. By this time I had two kids, Justin and Kira. This relationship became abusive. He kept me from my friends, trapped me, threatened me and eventually beat me badly at Harpos one night. It was a night that Tom was not there. People tried helping me, but it didn't stop him. When I finally got away from Matt, he started stalking me.

One night I was at Harpos, I had met friends there and left to drive to my mom's because she was watching my kids. I dropped my friend Derek off in Sterling heights and had no clue I was being followed. I stopped at a gas station to call my mom from a payphone, yes we still had those lol, to tell her I was on my way and had just dropped my friend off. Out of nowhere Matt came flying up in his car and blocked my car so I couldn't move. I screamed as he got out and started punching my windows. my mom was on the phone asking what was going on and if I was okay. I told here where I was and that Matt had me trapped. He was screaming that he followed me and saw me at Derek's house and knew I was with Derek and a bunch of other crazy shit. My mom told me to lock myself in the car and that she was calling for help. I hung up scared that my life was going to end and prayed the police would show up or that someone would run over and help me.

The next thing I heard was tires squealing and a truck flying into the gas station. Then I heard a familiar safe voice screaming, "You get the fuck away from her." It was Tom. (My mom had called him first and then the police) He threatened Matt and told him that if he didn't leave me alone, he would have a whole new problem. He got right in Matt's face, shoving him and telling him you have balls, you want to hit a girl? Tom was going to destroy him right then and there, but Matt got in his car and left real fast before the police got there. Tom came to my side of the car and told me to park it, lock it and get in the truck with him. He talked to the police and told them what happened. I got out of my car and as I was walking toward Tom and the Officer, Tom turned around and I literally ran to him. He grabbed me and held me while I was shaking and crying. I asked him how he found me, how did he know I needed help and he said "Your mom called me and I flew here as fast as I could" He looked me in the eyes and said, "Mickey, as long as I am alive, nobody will ever hurt you again. I got you, you are safe and I love you." He drove me to my mom's and stayed with me the whole night, he sat up and watched over me as I slept on my mom's couch, because I was afraid Matt would show up. The next day he took me to get my car and he followed me home, making sure I made it home.

Now you understand why I said that TikTok picture stopped me dead in my tracks, because I knew those eyes. I had looked into those eyes in one of the most terrifying moments of my life and felt safe, I knew I was safe, his eyes never lied. That's the kind of man Tom was. When he told you he cared, he meant it. When he told you he loved you, he meant it. When he told you that you were safe, he meant it. He was a true friend.

After that night he taught me how to stand up for myself. He taught me not to put up with anybody's shit and to hold my ground. He taught me what true kindness was, he taught me what it meant to really care about people and to love them wholeheartedly. That night I realized what being a good man and friend really was. From that night on nobody fucked with me again, because they knew if Tom was around they were screwed. He was my real life guardian angel. I didn't realize it back then, just how good I had it with a friend like Tom.

We spent many nights hanging out, partying together or running into each at places we both frequented. We were always there for one another. He met all the guys I dated or ended up with. And tom gave every man I dated the same speech: " If you hurt her in any way, I will find you and you will pay deeply for it. I love her, she's my friend and she holds a piece of my heart, so don't push me!" That was Tom.

Eventually I moved up north and life took us in different directions. We slowly lost contact until we found each other again on Facebook. We couldn't hang out like we used to, but we always made time for a phone call or a text. We always checked in on each other. Even when our lives were completely different, I always knew one thing. If I needed him, I could pick up my phone and come hell or high water, that man would be there in a heartbeat.

Life wasn't fair to Tom. He went through so much. He lost his brother, his mom, his dad, and many of his friends. Yet no matter what he was going through, if he cared about you and loved you, he would drop everything to be there for you. That's just who Tom was. At one point he lived an hour and a half from me and we never got to see each other. That's one of the things that hurts now. We always thought there would be more time. More phone calls. Another visit. Another chance. Eventually he moved back to the Detroit area because of health issues.

Then a few years ago I saw a post on Facebook that said, " Please pray for Tom, he was in a motorcycle accident." My heart dropped. I couldn't reach him, so I contacted his sister and found out Tom had broken his back and would need surgery. When I say life wasn't fair to Tom, I'm not just talking about accidents,. He had already been through so much, yet he still showed up for everyone else.

I still have a voicemail on my phone from after his surgery because I had called the hospital. That voicemail is something I will cherish forever because I can hear his voice when I need to. I can hear him say "Hey Doll" as he always did and "I love you", just like he did every time we saw each other or every time we hung up the phone.

Sometimes I wonder if Tom was so loving and caring, to cover up some of the pain he carried emotionally and physically. Because Tom had demons. I got the opportunity to spend a few hours with him in the hospital and I saw the pain in those warm, comforting eyes. I saw the demons too. That day he confided in me about a lot of things. And I just wish I had said, " Hey, when you get out of here, why don't you move back up north and come stay with me?" I wish I had offered him help the way he had offered help to everyone else. Because maybe, just maybe, he might have had a fighting chance.

April 2026 came around and Tom fell and broke his vertebrae again, requiring another surgery. His Facebook posts screamed in pain and for help. They also screamed something I didn't fully understand at the time. I see it now looking back. He was tired. Tired of fighting to be healthy. Tired of fighting the pain of surgeries, some of which went bad. Tired of fighting to live. And now it's too late.

That's the part I don't know how to make peace with. Because grief isn't just missing someone. Sometimes grief is all the things you wish you had done differently. All the phone calls you wish you had made. All The visits you wish you made. All the times you thought there would be more time. There is never a guarantee of more time. We just live like there is.

And then one day, a photograph appears on TikTok. A song starts playing. You see a pair of eyes you haven't seen in a year and your entire world stops.

That's what happened to me.

And today I can't help but wonder....did I just happen across that TikTok because it was coincidence? Was it simply the algorithm putting a random video on my For you page? Or was it a sign? Was there some reason I was supposed to see that post, so I would know that Tom was gone?

I don't know.

Maybe I'll never know.

But I do know out of all the videos I could have seen that night, from all the people I could have been shown, somehow I ended up seeing a photograph of Tom.

And those eyes caught me.

Maybe that was all the goodbye I was going to get.

I am grieving. I am angry. I am hurting. I feel lost. I feel alone. Even though our lives went in different directions, I always knew I could pick up my phone.

Maybe I'm writing this because I need somewhere to put this pain. maybe I'm writing it to help someone else. Maybe I'm writing it to honor a man who went from fixing my mom's car, to being my boyfriend, to being one of the best friends and protectors I could ever have. Maybe I'm writing it because somewhere out there someone has a Tom in their life and they need to hear this.

So today, while I'm sitting here trying to make sense of losing you, trying to make sense of life, I am making you a promise.

I will honor you, Tom

I will be the person you knew and loved. I will be strong like you taught me. I will stand up for myself. I will stop letting life pass me by. I will take better care of myself. I will get healthier. I will always show kindness and love to everyone. I will fight for myself the way you always fought for the people you love.

And I will carry you with me for the rest of my life.

I will hold onto the memories. The phone calls. The hours of talking about everything and nothing. The laughter. The arguments (you usually won those lol). The times you called me out when I was being an idiot. The last time I hugged you, about a year or so ago. I remember looking into those eyes and knowing I still had you in my life, the same compassion in those eyes as I had seen for about 37 years. I didn't know then that it would be one of the last times I would ever look into your eyes. And I will never forget the feeling of our last hug at the hospital. The last time I heard you say those words to my face. "I love you, I will miss you. Hey I got you (with a smile and a wink) and we will see each other soon."

I believed you.

I still do.

Maybe not in the way I once understood those words, but I believe the love between two people who truly mattered to each other doesn't just disappear because one of them is gone.

So I am going to carry you with me.

When I'm struggling, I'll remember what you taught me. When I'm scared, I'll remember the man who once told me nobody would ever hurt me again. When I want to give up, I'll remember how many times you kept going. When i feel like life is passing me by, I'll remember that I still have time to live.

And when I look in the mirror, I hope to see a little bit of the strength you always saw in me.

You spent so much of your life showing up for everyone else. Now I'm going to show up for myself.

That's my promise to you.

I can't go back and change the things I wish I had done differently. I can't make that phone call. I can't make that visit. I can't give you the help I wish I had offered. But I can take everything you taught me and carry it forward.

I can live. I can love. I can heal. I can become healthier. I can be kinder. I can be stronger. And I can make damn sure that the people I love know they are loved while I still have the chance to tell them.

Because that's what you taught me without even realizing you were teaching me. you showed me what a real friend looks like. And I will carry that lesson, and I will carry you, in my heart forever.

Tom, I hope wherever you are, you're finally at peace. No more broken bones. No more surgeries. No more pain. No more demons. Just peace.

Thank you for fixing my mom's car that night. Thank you for becoming my boyfriend. Thank you for becoming my friend. Thank you for loving my kids. Thank you for protecting me when I couldn't protect myself. Thank you for every phone call, every laugh, every argument, every "I love you" and every time you showed up.

You were one of the good ones, Tom. You were one of the rare ones. You were my living guardian angel. And you will always hold a piece of my heart.

I love you, my friend.

Until we meet again. 🖤😢

And to anyone reading this, don't wait. Life is passing you by while you're waiting for the right time. Call the person. Make the visit. Say the words. Show up. Because sometimes there is no tomorrow.

Today starts the process of grieving while healing. I know this isn't going to be easy, because I have a very hard time with death and people I love and care about, but I'm going to do it. I am gong to keep my promise. I'm going to stop assuming there will always be another day. Because Tom taught me my final lesson. Life doesn't wait, it has an expiration date.

And tonight, I'm going to turn up a little bit of rock/metal music, because honestly, I know exactly what Tom would do. He'd probably tell me quit with the being sad shit, crank that shit up, laugh about some stupid memory, and tell me I got you doll and then tell me he loves me.

So that's what I'm going to do.

A little music.

A lot of memories.

A broken heart.

And a promise to keep going.

For me.

For the people I love.

And for you, Tom.

I got you. 🖤

Peace, Love and Loud Music,

Mickey

https://youtu.be/Tm8LGxTLtQk?is=C6gk3v04qNSWUASH

😢