I’m Still Here, Just Buried Under It All

I know I have been pretty absent lately when it comes to blogging, music posts, podcasts, bracelets, and honestly just life in general. The past month has been rough in ways I didn’t expect.

Most of my energy has gone into helping my son through some really intense health anxiety. First it was high heart rates, then low heart rates, and suddenly we were spending days going back and forth to hospitals, doctors, tests, and trying to find reassurance anywhere we could. Watching your adult child panic and fear something is seriously wrong with them takes a toll on you mentally and emotionally. You try to stay calm for them while quietly falling apart yourself.

On top of that, Buster has been extra clingy lately. Ever since his brother Vic passed away in February, things just haven’t felt the same. Buster turns 14 in July, and lately I’ve started noticing little issues with his back end, similar to what Vic went through. Every little stumble or change sends my brain spiraling because I know how quickly things can change with aging dogs. Anyone who has loved a dog knows they are family, and watching them age is heartbreaking.

Then there’s the stress of being laid off, bills piling up, and feeling stuck in this weird emotional survival mode where days just blur together. I haven’t been going to concerts much, haven’t really been active in the music scene, and honestly haven’t felt like myself in a while. Once you fall into that kind of slump, climbing back out feels exhausting.

I’ve also been missing my friends a lot lately, especially the ones who live hours away. The people who make me feel whole, grounded, and actually alive. Distance really sucks sometimes. There’s something hard about needing the people who recharge your soul and knowing they aren’t close enough to just show up, grab coffee, go to a show, or sit around talking for hours. You don’t realize how much certain people hold you together until life gets heavy and you wish they were nearby.

And while all of this has been happening, I still have my own health stuff hanging over my head. I still need surgery on my left breast, but first I need to figure out insurance. I also need dental work done and need insurance for that too. It feels like every time I start handling one problem, three more show up behind it. One thing after another. It gets overwhelming fast.

Just when I started trying to pull myself together, I got hit with an upper respiratory virus that completely knocked me back down again. It feels like every time I try to get momentum, life throws another punch.

But I don’t want to stay stuck here.

I want to get back to making bracelets again. I want to get back to supporting and pushing independent artists the way I love to do. I want to finally get this podcast going instead of just talking about it. And honestly, I want to reconnect with people because I know I’m not the only person struggling right now. So many people are carrying things they never talk about.

Right now I’m just hoping I feel better by May 30th because I’m supposed to go see Triumph and April Wine in concert. I need that night. I need loud music, good energy, and that feeling concerts give you where for a couple hours the weight on your chest disappears and you actually feel alive again.

And believe me, I will find my way back. Maybe not overnight, maybe not all at once, but I will. For now it’s homemade lemon chicken rice soup, Vernors, herbal teas, rest, and slowly finding my way back to music as soon as possible.

So if you’ve been wondering where I’ve been, that’s the truth of it. Life hit hard for a while. But I’m still here, and I’m fighting my way back to myself.

Peace, Love and Loud Music,

Mickey

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eQNma7xjMGE